EGO ↔ ESSENCE

If we define the source as God, then ego is the impulse to move away from God, and into a world that is separate from God. But without ego the world would not exist, and without the world, we would never know about the source. The source is omnipresent, but it can only be perceived by standing apart from it.

The discovery of coming home to a place one has never really left. The dream of standing apart is revealed to be just that: a dream, an illusion. But without the dream there could be no awakening, and so ultimately the ego serves the source. It is a necessary part of the process of awakening.

I began to question myself: why had I not yet accomplished anything tangible? My ego goaded me to compare myself with others, and taunted me for not moving closer to that direction. I felt like such a failure! My ego quickly stole away what little gladness I felt. "HELP ME, BABA! SHAKE THIS EGO FROM ME, IT IS SUFFOCATING ME!!!!"

Pathology arises when one becomes attached to either the ego or the source as an end in themselves. Either of those is the denial of the other. Life is that which straddles both, and must be found at the point of intersection between God and the world. To seek this point means to be in love with life, and to be a lover of both God and the world.

The journey of self-acceptance begins with falling in love with who you are—not who you think you should be, but the authentic self that exists beneath all expectations. This authentic self is the essence that transcends and includes the ego.

Thick, unsightly calluses form on my heart. This was a way my heart learned to survive over time, as it is repeatedly subjected to shame and abuse. Over time, I begin to believe that my heart was little more than the unsightly calluses. Illusion makes me forget that I was ever a tree, and points out the choking vine that covers everything I ever was.

This week's "Lesson Learned" is really a reminder of what matters to me the most: Cass and Jaden. What I share that is beautiful, authentic, and loving exists because I am blessed with beauty, authenticity, and love in my life. This is the essence beyond ego.

Lewis is leery of those who adamantly call for a death of the ego structure; he seems to feel very strongly about this, and is looking for something more inclusive that would not deride the current physical incarnation... I was listening to a Wayne Dyer CD and he was talking about ego and how it means "Edging God Out"... I actually wrote him a letter... I was quite sympathetic to the ego structure... not discounting the negative manifestations of ego, only looking for a more inclusive perhaps compassionate lens for the ego. We as individuals can only individuate through the formation of some form of an ego...

Carl: "I think that's what ego is: the impulse to stand apart, or move away, from the source... If we define the source as God, then ego is the impulse to move away from God, and into a world that is separate from God. But if we look at the experience of returning to the source... the dream of standing apart is revealed to be just that: a dream, an illusion. But without the dream there could be no awakening, and so ultimately the ego serves the source. It is a necessary part of the process of awakening."

I projected ego onto Jaden. "Oh no! ... He must be bored." Jaden finds your face fascinating... He is not bored... Your ego pathology is feeling bored. I projected ego onto mom. "What! How dare you not know my pains? ... You victimized me." Your mom has a different level of awareness... She is experiencing her own suffering... Your ego pathology is playing victim. These make me realize: How quickly I can project an illusion onto another, And how long I have been projecting the same illusion onto my Self.

This reminded me of one of the L.A. ATCE sessions, where Y told one of the classmates that the classmate had a "spiritual ego". It appeared ironic now because I look at how many of these gurus, including Y, has in themselves such a strong "spiritual ego" by deeming themselves transcendent and the rest of us mortals... as inferior.

The ego is empty and can align with or be the expressive center from which healthy or unhealthy stories can be told or personalities can be expressed.

Something about what Yasuhiko said - the ego seeks and therefore it will never want to find, lest its seeker identity annihilates...

From "Journey to the Self" outline: Connecting with Your "Suffering" -> Recognize Your Ego -> Recognize its boundaries in order to dissolve them.